Look At Me

It’s been way too long since my last post. I’ve since returned to the corporate world, and have been trying my best to blend in after a yearlong absence.

It hasn’t been easy though. I had originally planned to just “exist” and do my job quietly, drawing as little attention to myself as possible. I am no longer interested in climbing any kind of corporate ladder. However, I think someone played a joke on me, and now I find myself in a position that is the exact opposite of what I planned for. Since then I have been in random states of self-doubt, excitement, disbelief, and all kinds of insecurity known to man. Am I overthinking? Am I overreacting? Am I downplaying things? I don’t even know. I’m just trying my best to get by. As my good friend always says, “more to come”.

This is a portrait of my daughter on her fourth birthday, on her way to a small birthday celebration we organized at her school. I miss the days when I only have to worry about what to cook for dinner.

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Back to you

Is it back to watercolors for me after I resolved to stick to pencil drawings?  That lasted a day.  I am so inconsistent.  I did a couple of pencil sketches and I just couldn’t help but to paint over them.  I like that some of the pencil shadings show through the paint.  And I really like how the colors turn out in this paper.  This is my Moleskine sketchbook which has a nice off-white paper.  It’s vey absorbent though and cannot take washes and repetitive brush strokes.  On watercolor paper, I apply a small amount of paint and then just push it around with my brush.  That approach does not work on this Moleskine paper at all.  I need to check if there is a watercolor paper out there with this shade of white.

Anyway, I will try to fill up the rest of the pages with pencil and watercolor paintings and see how it goes.  Maybe it will help me minimize my brush strokes.  I do tend to overpaint and obssess over the details.

This is my daughter in her Lunar New Year party dress.  I wonder until what age would she allow me to put a flower in her hair.

Mass media

I’ve been playing around with pencils these past few days.  I still come back to it somehow.  One would think that after a year of drawing and painting, I would have discovered what my preferred medium is already.  I’ve already tried pencil, ink, watercolor and gouache.  I thought for a while that I liked watercolor the most, but I still feel like something’s missing. Technique? A signature palette?  I’m not sure.

Going back to pencil felt so comforting.  It’s like it’s telling me that it’s ok to doodle aimlessly, to overshade, to make wrong strokes. It’s like an old friend who’ll always go easy on me no matter what I do.  Maybe I’ll stick with it for a while.

This is a pencil drawing of my daughter sporting her new haircut.  I’ve actually used color pencils on this but I prefer the greyscale version.